her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
