.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
