I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize