U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
