Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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