He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
