for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Text me some of your sweat
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