her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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