I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
