i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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