Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
