I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
