the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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