she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
