so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
