my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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