I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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