My first STD was from a foam party
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
