Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
