Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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