Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
