then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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