Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
