I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
