You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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