I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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