i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize