Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
