My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
