I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize