True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
