the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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