Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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