dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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