from now on my penis is your penis
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i barfeds in our rink
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
