i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
