So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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