the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
