I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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