I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
