I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
