i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize