Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
