Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
