Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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