If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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