you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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