Already got asked if we're dating
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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