We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
