# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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