i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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