The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
