Can i not drive my cunt home
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
