dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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