Don't you send me to vm
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
