shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
