hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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