im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
