Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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