you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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