I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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