i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
