He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
