margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
