For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
