I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
