Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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