why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
