She said her name was "party"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
