Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
